Jëøþa®dì§e§ç®íþt

Cermin Mata

dalam perjalanan ke daerah tutong , hisham dan isterinya, salma singgah di restoran Aneka Citarasa.selepas menyambung perjalanan baru salma sedar, dia tertinggal cermin mata di meja restoran.

"Bang... cermin mata saya tertinggal atas meja tempat kita makan tadi", beritahu Salma.

"Isssyyy awak ni, benda macam tu pun tak boleh ingat.mana ada tempat nak patah balik kat highway ni" kata Hisham.

" Ala , mahal tau cermin mata satu tu", kata Salma.

"Yalah, yalah, kita pusing balik lah ni", balas Hisham

Setiba kembali di perkarangan restoran Aneka Citarasa ,Salma segera membuka pintu kereta .

"Mah, jangan lupa ambilkan abang punya cermin mata sekali ya", Jerit hisham

Tidak akan di hukum

Murid : Cikgu, apakah orang boleh dihukum untuk sesuatu yang belum
dibuatnya ?
Guru : Oh, semestinya tidak. Orang hanya boleh dihukum untuk perbuatan
yang telah dilakukannya.
Murid: Syukurlah, Cikgu. Saya belum membuat latihan yang diberi oleh cikgu semalam.

I'm sorry

Seorang gadis yang Bahasa Ingerisnya kacau-bilau. .. suatu hari terlanggar seorang pelancong US ketika berjalan² di The mall.

Gadis : " I'm sorry "

Pelancong : " I'm sorry, too "

Si gadis kelihatan bingung kerana tidak faham apa yang diperkatakan oleh pelancong itu.. dia meneka2 dan terus menjawab..

Gadis : " I'm sorry. three "

Pelancong : " What are you sorry for? "

Gadis : " I'm sorry, five "

Kejadian Seram di Wad ICU

Salah sebuah katil di dalam bilik ICU sebuah hospital ternama kerap mengalami kejadian pelik.. Setiap pesakit yang ditempatkan disitu pasti akan meninggal pada satiap hari Jumaat pagi tanpa mengira umur, jantina atau tahap kesihatan mereka... Perkara ini sangat membingungkan para doktor... Lalu para doktor memutuskan untuk memantau katil tersebut...

Apabila tiba hari Jumaat yang berikutnya.. . beberapa doktor bersiap sedia untuk mengenal pasti penyebab kepada kematian di katil tersebut. Seorang pesakit lelaki sedang tidur di katil misteri.

Masa berputar... pukul 08:00am.. 08:30am sehingga jam 9..00 am... tiba-tiba... ... Pintu bilik ICU itu terbuka.... Kemudian masuklah Makcik Bedah.... Seorang pekerja sambilan sebagai pencuci yang hanya bertugas setiap hari jumaat.. Masuk... mendekati katil keramat tersebut... dan terus mencabut soket elektrik untuk alat bantuan pernafasan pesakit tersebut dan menggantikannya dengan 'plug vacum cleaner'nya. ..

Nenek Ani

Nenek Ani dirawat di rumah sakit. Menurut doktornya, asmanya sudah semakin teruk hingga perlu dipasangkan salur oksigen. Sudah beberapa hari dia tidak bercakap dan seperti orang koma. Dikira sudah menjelang ajal, anaknya memangilkan seorang Mudhin (tukang do'a) agar di doakan. Sedang asyik Pak Mudhin berdoa, tiba-tiba muka nenek Ani bertukar warna biru seolah-olah tidak boleh bernafas. Tangannya menggigil. Dengan menggunakan bahasa isyarat nenek Ani minta diambilkan kertas dan alat tulis. Sisa-sisa tenaga yang ada digunakan oleh nenek Ani untuk menulis sesuatu dan memberi kertas tersebut kepada Pak Mudhin.

Sambil terus berdoa Pak Mudhin langsung menyimpan kertas tersebut tanpa membacanya kerana fikirannya dia tidak sanggup membaca surat wasiat tersebut didepan Ani. Tak lama kemudian nenek Ani meninggal dunia. Pada hari ketujuh meninggalnya nenek Ani, Pak Mudhin diundang untuk datang kerumah Ani..

Selesai memimpin do'a, Pak Mudhin berbicara, "Saudara-saudara sekalian, ini ada surat wasiat dari almarhum nenek Ani yang belum sempat saya sampaikan, yang saya pasti nasehat untuk anak cucunya semua. Mari kita sama-sama membaca suratnya".

Pak Mudhin membaca surat tersebut, yang ternyata berbunyi :

"Mudhin jangan berdiri di situ...! Jangan pijak saluran oksigen aku..!"

Kambing Hitam & Kambing Putih

Seorang gembala sedang menggembalakan biri-birinya yang berbulu hitam dan berbulu putih. Dia kemudian didatangi seorang pemuda lalu bertanya:
Pemuda : "Baguskah ternakan biri-biri engkau. Boleh tak
saya tanya beberapa soalan?"
Gembala : "Oh, boleh saja"
Pemuda : "Berapa jauh biri-biri ni berjalan setiap hari?"
Gembala : "Yang mana, yang putih atau yang hitam?"
Pemuda : "Yang putih"
Gembala :"Ah, yang putih berjalan lebih kurang enam kilometer setiap hari"
Pemuda : "Dan yang hitam?"
Gembala : "Yang hitam pun sama."
Pemuda : "Dan berapa banyak rumput mereka makan setiap hari?"
Gembala : "Yang mana, yang putih atau yang hitam?"
Pemuda : "Yang putih."
Gembala : "Ah, yang putih makan lebih kurang empat kilo rumput setiap hari."
Pemuda : "Dan yang hitam?"
Gembala : "Yang hitam pun sama."
Pemuda : "Dan berapa banyak bulu yang mereka hasilkan setiap tahun?"
Gembala : "Yang mana, yang putih atau yang hitam?"
Pemuda : "Yang putih."
Gembala : "Aaa...menurut perkiraan saya, yang putih menghasilkan sekitar enam kilo bulu setiap tahun kalau mereka dicukur."
Pemuda : "Dan yang hitam?"
Gembala : "Yang hitam pun sama."
Pemuda : (Dengan perasaan geram ) "Kenapa engkau membezakan biri-biri engkau yang putih dengan yang hitam setiap kali nak jawab soalan saya, padahal jawapan semuanya sama saja"
Gembala :"Mestilah saya beza-bezakan sebab biri-biri yang putih itu adalah milik saya."
Pemuda : "Ooo, begitu, fahamlah saya,kalau yang hitam tu pulak siapa punya?"
Gembala : "Yang hitam pun sama, saya punya juga"
Pemuda : (benggang, geleng kepala dan berlalu)

Suami Terbaik

Sekumpulan lelaki berada di bilik persalinan di salah sebuah kelab eklusif lagi mewah di pusat bandar, setelah keluar dari gym. Tiba-tiba kedengaran deringan Handphone di penjuru bilik tersebut. Seorang lelaki menjawap panggilan itu dan terjadilah perbualan seperti berikut . . "

"Hello?"

"Abang, nie sayang nie,"

"Emmm... "

"Abang masih ada di kelab lagi ke?"

"Iya."

"Sayang sekarang nie berada di shopping complex dua block dari kelab abang tu. Sayang ada nampak kain sutera terbaru.. Cantik bang, Boleh ke sayang beli?"

"Berapa harganya?"

"Cuma $1500.00 aje"

"O.K. Belilah kalau memang awak dah suka sangat"

"Ahhh thanks bang dan tadi sebelum datang sini sayang ada singgah di Cycle & Carriage dan tengok Mercedes model terbaru 2003 . Sayang suka kat satu model tu. Dan sayang dah bincang dengan jurujualnya dan dia setuju nak bagi good price . . lagipun elok juga kita tukarkan dengan BMW yang kita beli tahun lepas tu "

"Berapa harga yang dia bagi?"

"Cuma $280,000 ..."

"O.K tapi pastikan harga tu dah on the road."

"Great! Before we hang up, ada satu perkara lagi..."

"Apa?"

"Abang jangan terkejut pulak, sayang dah semak akaun bank abang dan.... pagi tadi sayang singgah dipejabat ejen hartanah dan sayang dapat tau rumah yang kita tengok tahun lepas tu... sekarang nie untuk dijual. Abang ingat tak? Rumah yang ada swimming pool bentuk love tu, ada taman orkid kat belakang, berhadapan dengan pantai tu. . cantik kan bang. . "

" Berapa harga yang mereka minta?"

" Cuma $740,000... O.K kan bang, dan sayang tengok dalam akaun kita
boleh cover harga tu. . ."

"Eloklah kalau macam tu, confirm cepat sebelum orang lain beli, tapi cuba dapatkan harga $700,000. OK?"

"OK, abang sayang, terima kasih bang, kita jumpa malam nanti ye!! I Love You !!!"

"Bye... I Love you too..."

Lelaki itu berhenti bercakap, menutup flap handphone . . .sambil mengangkat tangan yang memegang handphone tu dan bertanya pada yang ada dalam bilik tersebut :

"ADA SESIAPA TAHU KE HANDPHONE NIE SIAPA PUNYA? "

Dengan Penuh Senyuman

Seorang pemimpin sebuah persatuan sedang memberi ucapan dihadapan sekumpulan ahlinya berkenaan kewajiban membayar yuran persatuan dengan rela hati...

"Adalah menjadi suatu penghormatan bagi kita jika dapat membayar yuran persatuan dengan penuh senyuman" kata pemimpin.

Tiba-tiba dari barisan belakang terdengar suara menjerit kegembiraan. .

"Oh.. Syukur pada Tuhan.. mulanya saya sangka yang yuran mesti dibayar dengan wang..."

Dear Biker,

• Are you tired of cold starts? Need to raise the throttle everyday to get the cold engine running?
• Does someone have the same bike as yours and are you tired of losing to him in drag races?
• Suddenly, the fuel efficiency has reduced after a service?
• Has the mechanic has screwed up your tuning?
• Engine gives hiccups when you open the throttle?
• Or your bike is just missing that smooth acceleration whenever you want?
• Or your engine overheats even if you did not race too much.

May be the following will help you in tuning your mean machine for optimal power delivery and best fuel economy. This guide aims at tuning the fuel/air screw to give you an optimal air-fuel mixture. An optimal mixture gets maximum performance from your machine.

Getting The Basics

I am assuming that you know driving very well and have completed at least 1000kms on road. If not, then you are too amateur to read this guide.

Every bike has a engine (motor/mill/muscle) and a carburetor (breathing system/heart) – Yeah I know that. My point is, I assume that your engine is in perfect condition. That is, there is no oil leaking from it etc etc.. The next assumption is that your engine is not DEAD. You know where your engine is and where your carb is and you have a screw driver/blunt knife with you. Your machine must have finished at least one service ~500kms or more. Also make sure you do not change the fuel type while tuning i.e. Power, Speed, Extra premium, normal unleaded etc.

This Guide Applies To

All the single cylinder bikes, 2 stroke or 4 stroke having a carburetor. Tachometer is very handy and a must for a newbie or the tuning process will be very slow or painful or imperfect.

Disclaimer: Though whatever I have written here wont do any damage to your machine, finally you must not blame me for whatever happens. I am here to help if anything goes wrong.

So Lets Get Started

Warm the engine nicely. Go get a ride around the town. Speed nicely at least upto half the top speed of the bike. Drive at least for 10-15 minutes so the engine system warms up nicely or you’ll get a bad tune. Do not just leave the engine idle and start with process. I mean it. Ride the bike.

Now that the engine is adequately heated up, you are ready to begin with the process. You can select a place far away from the city or your residential area so that you do not disturb the tired, sick, disgusted, old people or babes (babies) living in your colony. You are likely to be shooed away from them when you are at a critical point. You may choose a place near your girl friend’s house just to impress her! Put the bike in main stand and get hold of your screw driver. That is all you need, together with your eyes, brains and ears.

Searching the fuel/air screw… The above mentioned screws are responsible to adjust the air-fuel ratio which forms ‘food substance’ for your engine. You can relate it to our human body, where proteins, carbs, fats, water etc all are required in appropriate proportions with respect to each other for good strong body.

There is another screw which sets the idle speed of the machine. This screw is not related to pickup or mileage. It just sets the engine rpm at ’’idle’’ run. 2stroke machines have an Air screw and 4 stroke machines have a Fuel screw. I hope you note this VERY well. Air screw is located on the carb away from the engine. [ Engine - Carburettor - Air screw]

Fuel screw is located on the carb but its near the engine. [Engine - Fuel screw - Carburetor]. If the make of your carb is Mikuni (Pulsar, Yamaha, Fiero) the fuel/air screw probably will be of brass (golden colour). If you fully unscrew this screw and take it on your hand, you will see a needle like tip.

Idle screw is closely linked with the throttle cable. Idle screw can be turned by the hand. Screw driver is not essential for it. Finding these screws are very simple. If you still cannot find the air/fuel screw, ask your mechanic or I can help.

Ok now what? Apart from the above difference I gave between Air and Fuel screw, there is one more major difference. Fuel screw turned in (clockwise) gives a lean mixture and turned out (anti-clockwise) gives a rich mixture. Air screw turned in gives a rich mixture and turned out (anti-clockwise) gives a lean mixture. Lean means more air, less fuel. Rich means more fuel, less air. This ends the basics.

Getting Things In Action

Turn the idle settings screw so that rpm reaches about 3000 rpm. Now tune the air/fuel screw to make the mixture leanest as possible. Please refer to the above whether you must turn the screw clockwise or anti clockwise.

As you make the mixture leaner, slowly the engine RPM decreases… Go on doing this until you have put the fuel screw to the leanest possible point. At the same time, ensure that the engine does not stall, by turning the idle-screw.

Tough huh? You’ll get used to it

OK the engine is running and the mixture is lean. If you notice from the engine sound OR if you see the tachometer, the engine RPM will not be steady at this point. Now very slowly start turning the fuel screw anti-clockwise, quarter to 1/8th turn at a time. You will notice that the RPM increases slowly and steadily. Again, do this very very slowly. Also count the total number of turns as you wind out the screw.

You’ll notice that when you have turned it to about 3-4 full revolutions, the engine RPM slowly becomes constant. It is this point that you must stop screwing more. This probably is the optimal setting for your engine.

Further on, try turning the screw even more and more to 5-7 revolutions and you’ll notice that the engine RPM will slowly decrease. When this happens, you are just putting in a too rich mixture in your engine. At this point the engine loses all the fuel efficiency and the mixture is not optimal. Repeat the process about 2-3 times. Count the revolutions each time and get the setting which you feel is correct.

OK the engine is humming perfectly, now what? Decrease the idle setting screw to about 1000rpm in the tachometer. When the engine slows down, just twist the throttle. The response should be crisp and quick. It should not give any hiccups! Try shutting off the engine and restarting. The engine MUST start in a single kick or self with out giving throttle. If this happens, the setting is ok. Now get a ride and you’ll notice the difference for good or bad

You’ll immediately notice change in the engine sound and the throttle response. Your engine can become more smooth or harsh. Another important point is, Ride and Feel. Always take a ride and get the feel of the bike in each gears, check the response and the engine sound. You’ll quickly come to know once you get the feel of the bike that you want to make the mixture rich or lean.

It may take a few iterations before you fix a setting as permanent. Try calculating the mileage per liter and tally it with your setting and the feeling you get.

Troubleshooting

Here are some symptoms and their quick solutions:

• Engine dies while tuning.
  Try the process all over again. This time set the idle screw higher/faster.
• Engine gives hiccups while driving, specially while in higher gears.
  May be the mixture is too lean. Try again.
• Engine heats up.
  The mixture is too lean or too rich. Try again.
• Whenever I race up the engine, the rpm increases fast but very slowly comes down to idle.
  The mixture is not optimal, probably towards leaner side. Try again.
• Too much low end torque and the engine sound is very beaty/thumpy.
  You’ll face a low mileage surely, when you drive below 40kmphr. You have tuned on the higher/richer side.

The dream of SLI on a non-nVidia chipset has been the dream of many. It was finally realized for the Core i7 and Core i5 (X58 and P55) when nVidia and Intel came into a licensing agreement.

But that left everyone else on the Intel side of the market out in the cold unless they were lucky (or unlucky) enough to have a board with an NF200 bridge.

Well there is hope for all the others out there. It looks like someone over at Expreview found a way around this through software. They were able to use this software in Directory Services Restore Mode to enable SLI on both an X38 and a P45 chipset.

The details of the software have not been made public yet and there is an issue with enabling SLI in normal mode but according to Expreview these will be taken care of soon.

Source: http://www.tweaktown.com/news/12947/expreview_enables_sli_on_older_intel_chipsets/index.html

Hope to see it'll work on my Intel X48 soon!

"Oh Lord! You have not created this without purpose!"

Looking Out
Across The Night-Time
The City Winks A Sleepless Eye
Hear Her Voice
Shake My Window
Sweet Seducing Sighs

Get Me Out
Into The Night-Time
Four Walls Won�t Hold Me Tonight
If This Town
Is Just An Apple
Then Let Me Take A Bite

If They Say -
Why, Why, Tell �Em That Is Human Nature
Why, Why, Does He Do Me That Way
If They Say -
Why, Why, Tell �Em That Is Human Nature
Why, Why, Does He Do Me That Way

Reaching Out
To Touch A Stranger
Electric Eyes Are Ev�rywhere
See That Girl
She Knows I�m Watching
She Likes The Way I Stare

If They Say -
Why, Why, Tell �Em That Is Human Nature
Why, Why, Does He Do Me That Way
If They Say -
Why, Why, Tell �Em That Is Human Nature
Why, Why, Does He Do Me That Way
I Like Livin� This Way
I Like Lovin� This Way

Looking Out
Across The Morning
The City�s Heart Begins To Beat
Reaching Out
I Touch Her Shoulder
I�m Dreaming Of The Street

If They Say -
Why, Why, Tell �Em That Is Human Nature
Why, Why, Does He Do Me That Way
If They Say -
Why, Why, Tell �Em That Is Human Nature
Why, Why, Does He Do Me That Way
I Like Livin� This Way


RIP Michael Jackson

While I struggle to service my sportbike front-brake pair yesterday, one small scorpion caught my attention and I manage to catch it using a small empty tin can.

It was about half of my palm size. After I left it in the tin, I cleaned myself because tonite there will gonna be a FnF session at iLeQ-iLeQ Cafe.

PIC: Pic apitt performing at iLeQ-iLeQ Cafe last night

Back home by 1 AM. Gosh ... it have been quite some times I didn't hangout with my bike fellows. Some of the had new bikes and new stories. The night was cloudy ... got only one star.

After I parked my bike, I remembered the scorpion I caught that evening. I thought it would be interesting to keep the scorpion for a day because I haven't seen such creature - so alive, and aggressive. I moved the scorpion into a plastic container, create a breather hole and leave it on my computer table in my room. I planned tomorrow to study and feed the creature.

So ............. tomorrow the first thing that came out of my head was my fiance hehehe ... then when I checked my room, the scorpion was GONE! There's still quite some space for the scorpion to sneak out from the container.

So immediately I NEED TO FIND that creature; I do not know if someone or myself being stung by such creature. The good thing is I have motivation to clean my room....

but I can't find it! BAD NEWS!

I tried to clean and search the kitchen, guestroom, bathroom and main room ..... until what I found a larger SCORPION which I do not know how or when did it hide there.

Aihhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I was like not to believe it, I do not want to think about it but it is .... if that is ALLAH SWT really want to show me what I need to know. Enough 1 sec

I quickly took a bath. Just be strong